John Thomas Stefano August 22nd,1930 to July 14th,2011
I’m not sure where to begin…How can one sum up nearly 81 years of life in just a few photos? I know I can’t but I tried like hell to give it my best. To get to the point, my father passed away on Thursday, July 14th at the age of 80. The cause was dementia, he had it for over ten years and if not longer but not diagnosed. Myself being only 27 years old always had to explain why his father was as close to the same age as most of my friends grandparents. Him being my bus driver from time to time did not make it any easier to pick up dates with the girls who occupied Rush - Henrietta bus 288 as it was a really strange situation to explain, however I can say it was the most dynamic relationship I have ever had in my life. There was an extreme amount of tension and hostility met on both sides. I have joked that we were two strangers who were forced to get along when my mother passed away when I was 18. I saw this man and he saw this kid who he didn’t really know and vice versa. The conflicts were endless and despite it took 27 years, we came to some peace…but it leaves me with mixed feelings if not more uncertainty and questions towards the man.
I don’t speak of uncertainty in how I felt/feel about the man, as I can say for certain, I have no regrets. My mother I have plenty but my father, I have none. I miss my mother everyday, more then I feel words could describe, where as my father I am uncertain. The man wasn’t the easiest person to deal with, and at times it invoked great hostility in me, directed towards him and he had it directed towards me.
As my father began his dramatic decline in health over the course of the past two months and was placed into hospice care, I began to reflect on what impact my father played on my life, good and bad. I feel I can make claims that I am the person I strive to be out of negative interactions with him, but I don’t feel it is a stretch to say that it was his influence that I am a photographer. My mother cemented my role in wanting to help people with my photography but it was my father who laid the foundation for me to find interest in photography…
When I was a child, my father always had a camera with him. Always supporting the local brand, Kodak. He had the Kodak 35mm point and shoot camera along with the film everywhere we went. Fuji was a name never spoken, except out of fear for a dirty look. We went everywhere with a camera as it was his golden rule. He may have not had a professional eye for photography but he enjoyed it none the less. Looking through childhood photos, I can see his signature on many of the frames taken. I’m not exactly sure my older siblings can say the same thing but I wonder if we had the same father despite being the same man?
It was questions like that and many more I tried to ask my father for many years before his passing and to be frank, I never really got any answers and after a while, I stopped expecting any. I enjoyed the ride, for what I could. It took me a long time to say it, but he was my father. He kept a roof over my head and my stomach full of food (for the most part), he let bands play in our garage, shed a tear when I moved to Philadelphia for school, let friends in bands crash upstairs and tried his best to take care of my mother when she was sick and I am thankful for that. He never told me he loved me, but in his own weird way, I think he did, if not with words but by his sporadic actions and harassing phone calls…I think those will be the things I miss the most…
R.I.P.
Patrick J. Stefano Photography www.patrickjstefano.com Death & Dying Death Funerals Photojournalism Photography Dying Fathers
